Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
