Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
