I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
