i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
