And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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