She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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