i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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