I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just high enough for therapy.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
