what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
