True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
