Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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