been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My ass is underappreciated
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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