here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
