We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
