not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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