Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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