Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
