I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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