we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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