you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
