Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
