he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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