My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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