And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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