It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
