If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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