Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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