Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
