Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
