I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
