piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
