Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
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