Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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