also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
