If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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