You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
