Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
