Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
