Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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