Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
