where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
