barbara walters just said penis...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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