So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
