I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
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