Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
sarcasm needs its own font
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
