You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
