were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
17 year olds will be the death of me.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
