the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
