I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
