god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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