At least make sure they are 18
Why
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
